SLAA Step 12 Questions

62. Read Chapter Seven,. “Working with Others” in the “Big Book.” Did you have a
spiritual awakening? Was it vital to your recovery? When did it take place? Can you
define it?

I have worked only tangentially with other addicts - talking after meetings, outreaches.  In AA I have gone to rehab clinics and spoken to the addicts there, but I've never had a sponsee.

Because of how SLAA/HOW structures and addresses sponsorsship, and declares everyone a sponsor after the first 3 steps - SLAA pushes people into sponshorship in a more effective way than AA does.  I actually think I'll be a SLAA sponsor before I am an AA one, as AA seems more pre-occupied with "time up" whereas SLAA considers you a sponsor after 30 days.

My spritual awakening has been long and slow.  And I've fallen asleep again numerous times.  As I've intimated elsewhere in my answers to these questions it is synonymous with my recovery.  The first inkling was in the early 90's in my first exposure to 12-step and I got the message from AA that God was not "owned" by the religions, but that I could seek him on my own.  The God that I didn't believe in was the wrathful judgmental God of the American south, and I'm still an atheist, as far as that God is concerned.

The god I've slowly begun to sense and connect with is almost exactly that described in Appendix II of the big book.  An unsuspected spiritual resource that requires me to maintain a spiritual condition of honesty, acceptance, willingness, and courage. 

It's not so much the spiritual awakening that is of note here.  More critical are the tools and behaviours I need to adopt in order to stay awake.  I've learned to my chagrin what happens if I lose my touchpoint with my higher power.  

Perhaps my awakening is not so much a dramatic change of state as is commonly understood by the phrase.  I think more accurately it's the simple awareness of the dynamics of spirituality and the thing I call God.

Actually, God is not a thing, it's a process.

63. Read pages 196 and 263 in “As Bill Sees It.” Reflect on and discuss the idea that the basic anecdote for fear is a spiritual awakening.

196 Antidote for Fear
When our failings generate fear, we then have soul-sickness. This sickness, in turn, generates still more character defects.

Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not be satisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lust for sex and power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitions of others seem to be realized while ours are not. We eat, drink, and grab for more of everything than we need, fearing we shall never have enough. And, with genuine alarm at the prospect at work, we stay lazy. We loaf and procrastinate, or at best work grudgingly and under half steam.

These fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour the foundations of whatever sort of life we try to build.

<< << << >> >> >>

As faith grows, so does inner security. The vast underlying fear of nothingness commences to subside. We of A.A. find that our basic antidote for fear is a spiritual awakening.


263 Fear and Faith
The achievement of freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking, one that can never be wholly completed.

When under heavy attack, acute illness, or in other conditions of serious insecurity, we shall all react to this emotion -- well or badly, as the case may be. Only the self-deceived will claim perfect freedom from fear.

<< << << >> >> >>

We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up. Sometimes we had to search persistently, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us.


This statement seems pretty sound.  I've had fear and anxiety all my life.  It's still difficult for me to put aside the substances and behaviours that I've used my whole life to cope with my fear.  To put them aside means that I have found faith in God - faith in God's ability to guide me through life and accept its consequences on life's terms.  And I have a lifetime of running from fear by overloading my natural human drives until they turn around and control me.

It occurred to me in a meeting today, that to "use" (anything, anyone) - you are really just using yourself.  It *is* abuse of yourself - your ego is forcing you to perform some selfish, destructive, unhealthful act in order to run from fear.  You are far from God in these moments.




64. Read pages 449-451 in the "Big Book.' Discuss and reflect on how “acceptance is the answer to all of our problems.”

Acceptance is the opposite of Fear, not courage.  Courage is merely the ability to face fear.  Fear means that you don't accept your imaginary fantasies of outcomes that don't meet your expectations.

You aren't in control of life.  Your role is to be the best person you can be no matter what happens.  

When you fully accept yourself as you are, defects and all, you see that the defects aren't going anywhere unless you put in work.

If you were born with only 1 leg, you'd use a crutch.  If you were born hard of hearing you'd use a hearing aid.  With the defects I was born with (or learned) I need to use rigorous honesty and compensate for my natural tendencies by retraining myself, seeking help, and emulating God in every way I can.

In this way I change the trajectory of my life from an orbit around myself to something that faces and seeks to help my fellow man.

But until I accept myself and reality the way it is, I'm going to be putting myself in the driver's seat and trying to control everything.  And in the selfish, short-sighted way I attempt that, disaster is sure to follow.



65. Read in "As Bill Sees It," pages 3, 5 and 163. Write about how working the program has brought joy to your life.

3 Pain and Progress
"Years ago I used to commiserate with all people who suffered. Now I commiserate only with those who suffer in ignorance, who do not understand the purpose and ultimate utility of pain."

<< << << >> >> >>

Someone once remarked that pain is the touchstone of spiritual progress. How heartily we A.A.'s can agree with him, for we know that the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, and emotional turmoil before serenity.

<< << << >> >> >>

"Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the Light, even though for the moment you do not see."


5 Maintenance and Growth
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.



163 Release and Joy
Who can render an account of all the miseries that once were ours, and who can estimate the release and joy that the later years have brought to us? Who can possibly tell the vast consequences of what God's work through A.A. has already set in motion?

And who can penetrate the deeper mystery of our wholesale deliverance from slavery, a bondage to a most hopeless and fatal obsession which for centuries possessed the minds and bodies of men and women like ourselves?

<< << << >> >> >>


We think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered, and have helped others to recover. What greater cause could there be for rejoicing than this?

The program, to me, is a simple and basic way to structure and realise a god-oriented life.  There are probably other ways to do this, but I'm not aware of them.

As I said above, I equate my "spiritual awakening" and my recovery, and both are made possible by having "worked the program" and the people I've encountered along this journey.

After a lifetime of compulsive behaviours and substance abuse, I've had years now free of them - with only a few slips - and a growing maturity and emotional equilibrium.  I've discovered something I'm happy to call God.  My experiences with prayer and meditation have brought experiences of pure love, bliss and serenity into my life.  I've felt the joy of working with and helping other people through the dark places in their lives.

66. Read in 'Came to Believe,' pages 46, 47 and 48, 'The Belief will come' and in "As Bill Sees It,' page 331. Discuss what needs to be done to be most effective in helping those who still suffer.


331 The Great Fact
 We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order.

But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the great fact for us.

To the Newcomer:
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the fellowship of the spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny.


May God bless you and keep you -- until then

To be the most effective in helping those who still suffer: I think of the third step prayer where we ask God to remove our difficulties so we can bear witness to those we would help.  The most effective thing I could do would be to focus on my recovery and opening myself to God so that the message of recovery is strong.

Coming to meetings, sharing my recovery, approaching newcomers, making outreach calls.  Participating in my new life and fellowship.

SLAA Step 11 Questions

55.Read from "As. Bill Sees It”, pages 93, 108, 127, 189, and 243. Discuss and reflect on how taking time daily to set myself apart with God improves my conscious contact with Him and changes my life. 

93 Atmosphere of Grace
Those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more
do without it than we would refuse air, food, or sunshine. And for
the same reason. When we refuse air, light, or food, the body
suffers. And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we
likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of
vitally needed support.
As the body can fail its purpose for lack of nourishment, so can the
soul. We all need the light of God's reality, the nourishment of His
strenth, and the atmosphere of His grace. To an amazing extent the
facts of A.A. life confirm this ageless truth.

TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 97-98

108 Learn in Quiet
In 1941, a news clipping was called to our attention by a New York
member. In an obituary notice from a local paper, there appeared
these words: "God grant us the serenity to accept the things we
cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the
wisdom to know the difference."
Never had we seen so much A.A. in so few words. With amazing speed
the Serenity Prayer came into general use.
<< << << >> >> >>
In meditation, debate has no place. We rest quietly with the thoughts
or prayers of spiritually centered people who understand, so that we
may experience and learn. This is the state of being that so often
discovers and deepens a conscious contact with God.
1. A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 196

2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, PP. 100-101

127 Persistence in Prayer
We often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something
not really necessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that might
help us to meet an occasional emergency, but at first many of us are
apt to regard it as a somewhat mysteriousskill of clergymen, from
which we may hope to get a secondhand benefit.
<< << << >> >> >>
In A.A. we have found that the actual good results of prayer are
beyond question. They are matters of knowledge and experience. All
those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily their
own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability. And they
have increasingly found a peace of mind which can stand firm in the
face of difficult circumstances.
TWELVE AND TWELVE
1. P. 96

2. P. 104

189 Experimenters
We agnostics liked A.A. all right, and were quick to say that it had
done miracles. But we recoiled from meditation and prayer as
obstinately as the scientist who refused to perform a certain
experiment lest it prove his pet theory wrong.
When we finally did experiment, and unexpected results followed, we
felt different; in fact, we knew different; and so we were sold on
meditation and prayer. And that, we have found, can happen to anybody
who tries. It has been well said that "Almost theonly scoffers at
prayer are those who never tried it enough."

TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 97

243 Morning Thoughts
On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We ask
God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced
from self-pity and from dishonest or self-seeking motives. Free from
these, we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for God
gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be on a higher plane
when our thinking begins to be cleared of wrong motives.
If we determine which of two courses to take, we ask God for
inspiration, an intuitive thought, or a decision. Then we relax and
take it easy, and we are often surprised how the right answers come
after we have tried this for a while.
We usually conclude our meditation with a prayer that we be shown all
through the day what our next step is to be, asking especially for
freedom from damaging self-will.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PP. 86, 87


I'm also reminded of this by Franz Kafka: 

You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
 
I think the step 11 questions will be good ones - this is one gift of 12-step that I have not failed to accept.  My morning ritual is one of my most strongly-observed "suggested things".

The value of taking a pause is the opportunity to reframe my life.  Otherwise I settle into a reality (that is not a reality) where my life is a small, cramped self-filled box - I'm contained by the internal ebb and flow of self-centered emotional upheaval and whatever drama is ongoing at work.

When I have a ritual to reframe and put my head in its place by meditating and praying then I give a chance for the vastness of my God and a sense of humility to take root in my larger consciousness - and somehow seep by osmosis into the petty consciousness where I spend most of my time.

I had the good fortune to listen to Eckhart Tolle reading A New Earth - so much of his intuition about the ego fits perfectly with what I'm learning about myself and the power of meditation and prayer.

56. Read pages 85-89 in the “Big Book.” How has prayer and meditation helped you to be free of self-will run riot? 

Prayer and meditation are not a direct form of control, but they're an exposure to a non-self-run universe that infuses me with humility (in the form of my joyfully dependent prayers to my higher power) and serenity (in the form of contact with the deep unconditional love and peace of God when I meditate).

Constant and daily exposure and a relationship something outside and larger and greater than my ego is slowly (and will take years) infusing my ego with a tiny echo of that tranquility.  And its reassuring me that outside of my fragile ego I can trust God to be constant.

57. Read "As Bill Sees It," pages 33, 117, 101, and 331.  Step Eleven is for mental 

efficiency, for spiritual strength and for physical endurance.  What does this mean to 

you? 

33 Foundation for Life
We discover that we receive guidance for our lives to just about the
extent that we stop making demands upon God to give it to us on order
and on our terms.
<< << << >> >> >>
In praying, we ask simply that throughout the day God place in us the
best understanding of His will that we can have for the day, and that
we be given the grace by which we may carry it out.
<< << << >> >> >>
There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and
prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and
benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the
result is an unshakable foundation for life.
TWELVE AND TWELVE
1. P. 104
2. P. 102
3. P. 98

117 The Sense of Belonging
Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the
sense of belonging that comes to us. We no longer live in a
completely hostile world. We are no longer lost and frightened and
purposeless.
The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin
to see truth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in
life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence
to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs. We know
that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him,
all will be well with us, here and hereafter.

TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 105

101 "The Spiritual Angle"
How often do we sit in A.A. meetings and hear the speaker declare,
"But I haven't yet got the spiritual angle." Prior to this statement,
he has described a miracle of transformation which has occurred in
him -- not only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in
his whole attitude toward life and the living of it.
It is apparent to everyone else present that he has received a great
gift, and that this gift is all out of proportion to anything that
may be expected from simple A.A. participation. So we in the audience
smile and say to ourselves, "Well, that guy is just reeking with the
spiritual angle -- except that he doesn't seem to know it yet!"

GRAPEVINE, JULY 1962

331 The Great Fact
We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more
to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do
each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if
your own house is in order.
But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to
it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will
come to pass for you and countless others. This is the great fact for
us.
To the Newcomer:
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to
Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give
freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the
fellowship of the spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you
trudge the road of happy destiny.
May God bless you and keep you -- until then.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 164

Mental efficiency, spiritual strength, and physical endurance.

OK so there is one person on the committee to write these questions that I just don't get.  Whenever one of their questions comes up (and I can sort of sense them as we move through these -- I find that I really don't understand where they're coming from - their grasp of the spiritual universe is different to mine.)

The readings don't really address the question either to my mind.

If I play with it I'm taken back to my therapist's definition of the beginnings of self care: plenty of rest, going to the gym, and eating right.  And my spiritual guru's statement that in order to hold spiritual energy, I needed to be physically fit.

I think at the end on this question I'm just led to the idea that for me to be the person I am meant to be on this planet - to use the gifts of my mind and body in the way they were intended, and not as tools for distraction, mortification, and indulgence, that I need my higher power.  And that in the process of becoming more like my higher power - infusing myself with those qualities, that my mind, spirit, and body will return to health and higher purpose.

Even in my late 40's, moving toward health and growth is god's plan for me.

58. Read page 164 in the "Big Book.' Discuss and reflect on how to "See to it that your relationship with Him is right" and the importance of it for you today. 

As I've said many times throughout my answers to these questions, my new SLAA-question inspired understanding of step 3 is that it is a path from self-driven ego to selfless god-nature.  And that turning my will and my life over to God means that I have made a decision to dedicate my life to that path, and that although I will stray and stumble, I will keep returning to that path as long as I live.

In order to move along that path, I have to surrender, and surrender ego-structures I've clung to my whole life.  As I make myself worthy of moving closer to God, and take each step along that path, that's keeping my relationship with God right.  As I move forward on this path, I have to give up my defects that keep me back.  They fall away from me, through forward progress toward God.

That's my understanding of the real work of my life.

59. Read "As Bill Sees It" pages 270 and 172.  How do you apply the principle that your recovery depends upon God? 

270 Honesty and Recovery
In taking an inventory, a member might consider questions such as:
How did my selfish pursuit of the sex relation damage other people
and me? What people were hurt, and how badly? Just how did I react at
the time? Did I burn with guilt? Or did I insist that I was the
pursued and not the pursuer, and thus absolve myself?
How have I reacted to frustration in sexual matters? When denied, did
I become vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out on other people? If
there was rejection or coldness at home, did I use this as a reason
for promiscuity?
<< << << >> >> >>
Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back.
This just isn't so. His recovery is not dependent upon people. It is
dependent upon his relationship with God, however he may define Him.
1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 50-51

2. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PP. 99-100

172 This Matter of Honesty

"Only God can fully know what absolute honesty is. Therefore, each of

us has to conceive what this great ideal may be -- to the best of our

ability.

"Fallible as we all are, and will be in this life, it would be

presumption to suppose that we could ever really achieve absolute

honesty. The best way we can do is to strive for a better quality of

honesty.

"Sometimes we need to place love ahead of indiscriminate `factual

honesty'. We cannot, under the guise of `perfect honesty', cruelly

and unnecessarily hurt others. Always one must ask, `What is the best

and most loving thing I can do?'"

LETTER, 1966

Judeo-Christian notions of an external, paternalistic, controlling, santa claus higher power persist in 12-step.  If you look closely Bill writes that our recovery depends on our relationship with God, not God.

Having a relationship with God is key to recovery - you might even say that it IS recovery.  All I know about God is that it is outside my limited ego, but it is still part of me or within me.  Its easily neglected or ignored.  And that living life by a fairly precise code of conduct is necessary before I can access the love and serenity that I feel when I connect with "it".  As I move from selfishness to selflessness, my defects quiet down.

That's all I know.

60. Read pages 202 and 250 in "As Bill Sees It." Discuss the importance of spending daily quiet time alone with your higher power.  How do you do this in your life on a daily basis? 

202 The Hour of Decision
"Not all large decisions can be well made by simply listing the pros
and cons of a given situation, helpful and necessary as this process
is. We cannot always depend on what seems to us to be logical. When
there is doubt about our logic, we wait upon God and listen for the
voice of intuition. If, in meditation, that voice is persistent
enough, we may well gain sufficient confidence to act upon that,
rather than upon logic.
"If after an exercise of these two disciplines, we are still
uncertain, then we should ask for further guidance and, when
possible, defer important decisions for a time. By then, with more
knowledge of our situation, logic and intuition maywell agree upon a
right course.
"But if the decision must be now, let us not evade it through fear.
Right or wrong, we can always profit from the experience."

LETTER, 1966

250 Prayer Under Pressure
Whenever I find myself under acute tensions, I lengthen my daily
walks and slowly repeat our Serenity Prayer in rhythm to my steps and
breathing.
If I feel that my pain has in part been occasioned by others, I try
to repeat, "God grant me the serenity to love their best, and never
fear their worst." This benign healing process of repitition,
sometimes necessary to persist with for days, has seldom failed to
restore me to at least a workable emotional balance and perspective.

GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962

The time I spend in the morning in prayer, contemplation, and meditation is key to the quality of my day.  This is one of the most easily validated of the "suggested things" - I can utterly tell the difference when I've not taken that moment to center myself and reframe my ego and consciousness with my higher power.

Prayer helps me be humble and center myself in my desire to change.  Meditation quiets my soul and enables contact with a deep sea of tranquility and love that I attribute to my higher power.  These two things together, along with a fairly regular assessment of my state and reconnection if necessary.

61. Read page 264 in 'As Bill Sees It.' Discuss and reflect on the idea that we shall locate our trouble in our misunderstanding or neglect of Step Eleven, prayer, meditation and the guidance of God. 

264 The Step That Keeps Us Growing
Sometimes, when friends tell us how well we are doing, we know better
inside. We know we aren't doing well enough. We still can't handle
life, as life is. There must be a serious flaw somewhere in our
spiritual practice and development.
What, then, is it?
The chances are better than even that we shall locate our trouble in
our misunderstanding or neglect of A.A.'s Step Eleven -- prayer,
meditation, and the guidance of God.
The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning.
But Step Eleven can keep us growing, if we try hard and work at it
continually.

GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1958

Interesting.  A lot of peopIe call 10, 11, and 12 the "maintenance steps" but I've always felt that they were the "growth" steps.  Steps 1 - 9 were about accepting ourselves and the past and opening up to change.  10-12 are about the change and working the steps into the fabric of our lives.

I think my answer to the previous question unwittingly covers this one as well.

If we are on the beam - we are in contact with our higher power and being nourished and informed from that source.  Our ego becomes a servant to our greater good, rather than the master.  Our reality is that of giving and service and radiance, rather than consumption and avarice.

The model for me is that if I am full of God, and radiating God, then I am not empty and craving to fill myself or distract myself with compulsions or substances.  If I keep myself fit to maintain that connection then I'm in good condition.  But I can only stay fit for a day before I have to build the connection anew, and in a new way that isn't rote, but fresh, vital, meaningful, and alive.  This is the way life wants to be led.